so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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