i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
