I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I love having hate sex.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
