What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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