Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
