That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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