I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
