Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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