Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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