i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
