Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
