Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
