I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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