just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
