she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
