Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
