If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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