If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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