You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
