At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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