I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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