unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
