they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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