Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you had me at cake vodka
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
