Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
