Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
