She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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