Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
