I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
