sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
