Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
