Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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