I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
