Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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