Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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