I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
