the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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