I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
