Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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