the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
