He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
