I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
