Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
