doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
