I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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