did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
