i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
