just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
