I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
