before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
